i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
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You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
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Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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