What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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