I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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