So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
