And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
