i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
