is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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