R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
