I didn't shave. On purpose
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
