I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
