Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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