dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
