by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
