Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
