The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
