1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
