Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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