it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
