i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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