Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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