I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
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i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
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KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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