you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
