hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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