Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
