I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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