So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
