I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
