dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
