Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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