I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize