Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
