fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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