Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
