last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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