i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
