why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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