He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
