you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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