She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
