i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
