turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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