yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
