I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
