no, he came in my armpit
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
