what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
