I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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