Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she smelled like a LAN party
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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