i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
