I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
