i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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