Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
