So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
