Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
