the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I FOUND THE LEGS
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
