yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
