The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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