47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
