I love black thongs
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
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i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
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You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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